Nagging is primary cause of unhappiness in any relationship. Men can’t stand hearing it, and women can’t stand doing it. So why does the nagging continue?
Penetrating your man’s skull seems to be an impossible feat and the more you persist the more he resists. It’s frustrating to keep repeating the same things time and time again with no results. In order to see change however, you need to first change your approach. Learn how to stop nagging and instead start communicating with your partner for a happier and healthier relationship.
How to Stop Nagging:
– Stop having confrontations with your partner, and instead have a carefrontation. This tactic, coined by relationship expert Dr. Stratyner, is about reminding your partner that you think of them as an equal in the relationship. When you talk down to your partner, you are essentially telling them you think they are beneath you. This is no way to have a constructive dialogue. If you keep approaching them with a problem anticipating a fight and assigning blame, you are going to be met with a fight and resistance.
– Avoid ‘you’ statements and talk about your feelings. When you come at your partner with an attempt to make them feel bad, they are going to be on the defensive and less apt to look for a solution. Adjust your language to discuss how the situation makes you feel and your partner will be more receptive to having a conversation with you. For example, you will get better results from your partner if you stop nagging and say something to the effect of: “Honey, I’m really stressed with work and I’m finding it overwhelming to make dinner every night on top of that.”
– Remember that you’re both on the same team and your partner doesn’t have a personal vendetta against you. Sometimes things are just what they are. He didn’t leave the toilet seat up because he’s mad at you, he just didn’t think to put it down. Learn to think about a situation from his perspective and compromise. Perhaps you should think about looking before you sit.
– Propose a timeline, a reason, and a solution. Say you are hosting a pool party on the weekend, but the pool hasn’t been cleaned out in a long time. Ask your partner if you think they’ll have time to get it done by Thursday, reminding them of the pool party on the weekend, and suggest that if they are too busy that you’ll call in someone to do it on Friday. This will place a sense of urgency in your partners mind, and gives them the opportunity to let you know any reasons why they haven’t done it already.
– Suggest to your partner that you think it’s sexy when they do a particular task that you regularly need to nag them about and then follow through with some special attention when they get it done. Your partner will be a lot more motivated to finish a chore if they know they’re going to get a little sexy something in return.
Communicate, Not Nag
– Check your assumptions at the door, and strive to understand your partner instead. There is a reason for everyone’s behavior and your problems will be resolved a lot faster if you understand why something isn’t getting done instead of having a fight over accusations.
– Remember that your partner isn’t a mind reader. Just because you see something as a problem, doesn’t mean that they do. Everyone has their own perspective on things. You can’t assume that your partner is aware that their actions, or inactions, irritate you unless you’ve explicitly told them. You need to talk to your partner and make them understand how you feel and why you feel that way.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship. Solution orientated discussions will get things done a lot faster than nagging. Remember that your partner is just that, your partner. You are on the same team. Treating anyone like they are beneath you is a recipe for disaster. Learning to communicate with your partner by seeing things from their perspective, providing incentive, and compromising will go a long way to developing a healthy and happy partnership. The bottom line is that nagging isn’t going to get you anywhere. Use these tools to learn how to stop nagging and start communicating today.